When a person admits that this hasn't worked in the past, and wants to change, a common response is to decide, "Okay, I'm through losing my temper. That is not going to happen again!" Rob, came to me after his wife (who he loves dearly) gave him an ultimatum that she would leave if he didn't get hold of his temper. He resolved that he wouldn't lose control, and for awhile it worked. So, what happened? It seemed that the only way that Rob could avoid losing his temper was by bottling up his feelings. And, after awhile, when these bottled feelings built up, he had the outburst that brought him here.
You may be a person who does not blow up and think that because you don't lose your temper, "I don't have an anger management problem." So, what do you do in moments of high anxiety and intense emotion? You may automatically bottle up your feelings and withdraw, not knowing what to say or do. Thoughts about what occurred may fill you mind, interfering with you completing a task, being present with another person, and so on. And you don't know how to stop once the spiral takes hold. Eventually, the feelings fade 'on their own' without any resolution. Over time these occurrences builld up and lead to an outburst or depression or both.
Most people are a combination.
Does your behavior drive an emotional wedge between you and your significant other, family members or friends? Are you each defending your turf and no longer hearing the other? Does the desired response elude you both and you end up by triggering each other? Or do you feel badly and may not know what to do next?
If your answers to these questions indicate that you're doing fine, then you need not read further. If not, you may find a new direction, by continuing to read.
The process begins by you becoming aware of when you are triggered. You may see a pattern in the time of day or place or particular situation. We look at the thoughts, feelings, behaviors and physical reactions. I give you a quick and efficient relaxation technique that allows you to regroup in the moment. We consider alternative responses. You begin to develop a sense of prioritizing so you can quickly assess what to dismiss, or manage later, and if, how and when you would like to address an issue. You develop your own personal style of assertiveness. And this could change your life.
If you would like to step onto this path of growth you could take the first step by calling me at 212 920-6019 or emailing me at [email protected] to make an appointment.